:: Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Here I am finally tryin to write down my sorrows without knowing exactly what to say. I guess I really do tend to think a lot when I have nothing to do...the past, present, future... It's scary to the point where everything just ends up being in a mess in my head...like as if I'm a soul being taken over by my body, instead of the other way around.
I love Christmas...was hoping to spend it with him though it seems like a Christmas with jus friends. I guess it's true wat they say. The question now is "Who is my friend?" or should I say, "Who am I a friend to?" Am I jus some bitch who jus wants everything done her way in the end? Hell...why is it I can always try my best to find and try to acheive what others want in life but not even knowing what I myself want? Do I not love myself? Yes I do but to the extend of others.
Honestly I dunno what I'm trying to say anymore...all I know is that what I'm saying's unreasonable and I guess it is something no one can solve but me...
But why do I feel that the only way for me to solve it is to jus be a bitch?
:: Wednesday, October 22, 2008
I was pretty surprised that there are some peeps who wish they were like me cos I myself wish I was them sometimes. But I guess that's what everyone wishes...to be someone else other than themselves. Someone once asked me, "How do you be you?" and I was like, "Try"... After that conversation with her, I realised that most of the things I do includes the word, "Try". Even though there are times where I may be on the verge of breaking down or giving up, somehow I will always end up coming back to that same word, that same action, "TRY"...
:: Sunday, May 04, 2008
True boyfriend
When she walks away from you mad
[ Follow her ]
When she stare's at your mouth
[ Kiss her ]
When she pushes you or hit's you
[ Grab her and dont let go ]
When she start's cussing at you
[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]
When she's quiet
[ Ask her whats wrong ]
When she ignore's you
[ Give her your attention ]
When she pull's away
[ Pull her back ]
When you see her at her worst
[ Tell her she's beautiful ]
When you see her start crying
[Just hold her and dont say a word ]
When you see her walking
[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]
When she's scared
[ Protect her ]
When she lay's her head on your shoulder
[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]
When she steal's your favorite hat
[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]
When she tease's you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]
When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is okay ]
When she look's at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]
When she say's that she like's you
[ she really does more than you could understand ]
When she grab's at your hands
[ Hold her's and play with her fingers ]
When she bump's into you
[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]
When she tell's you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]
When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]
When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]
When you break her heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]
When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]
When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]
- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her
- because 10 years later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
- Tease her and let her tease you back.
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.
- Give her the world.
- Let her wear your clothes.
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
- Let her know she's important.
- Kiss her in the pouring rain.
:: Thursday, February 21, 2008
When you are together with that special someone,
you pretend to ignore that person.
But when that special someone is not around,
you might look around to find them.
At that moment, you are in love.
Although there is someone else who always
makes you laugh, your eyes and attention might
go only to that special someone.
Then, you are in love.
Although that special someone was supposed to
have called you long back, to let you know of
their safe arrival, your phone is quiet.
You are desperately waiting for the call!
At that moment, you are in love.
If you are much more excited for one short
e-mail from that special someone than other many
long e-mails, you are in love.
When you find yourself as one who cannot erase
all the messages in your answering machine
because of one message from that special
someone, you are in love.
When you get a couple of free movie tickets,
you would not hesitate to think of that special someone.
Then, you are in love.
You keep telling yourself, "that special someone
is just a friend", but you realize that you can
not avoid that person's special attraction.
At that moment, you are in love.
While you are reading this page, if someone
appears in your mind,
then u are in love with that person.
LOVE is all around you..
Friendster's blog used to be for all my complaints or depressive thoughts but guess I've long given up on that...am like too lazy to even type anything, let alone my feelings or thoughts. The only time I express myself, or at least I try to, is when it's really affecting me and I jus need to get it out somehow...
Last few days have been sleeping with loads on my mind...dun exactly noe what they are though I pretty much have an idea on some of them but for some reason they dun seem like a good excuse to think about. Maybe I'm jus lonely, or there's jus nothing to look forward to this week. Choir's definitely out since I've got work this sat...oh ya...decided to join back this week actually...really miss it loads but guess I'll have to reschedule it to next week...although I still have work next week but at least it's only half day. Hopefully there's jamming this week...really miss it...I dunno...jus been feeling distant from everyone lately...it's like they're there but somehow my mind's jus elsewhere...I'm like missing everything...going out with friends, jamming, dancing, my bf, my 'sister g'...even though it's only been 1 or 2 weeks ago...how pathetic can I be???
:: Thursday, January 10, 2008
A decision was finally made today...and it felt as if I'd jus left my second home...It's funny how something so small like a msg can change or decide things in your life and the people around you...am really gonna miss Angelus and hopefully I'll be back in it again...for now I jus pray tat the situation will improve and tat some of angelus's past atmosphere will return...whatever that means... :(
:: Monday, November 12, 2007
Was in a slight dilemma tat day...
but everything's fine...I hope...
wish time didn't pass so soon...
the new year's coming soon...
Kinda understand what you mean now...
Sigh...wanna spill out everything but know will make things worse if I do...
I trust ya'll...better shut up... :)
P.S: Dun ask me to explain...am jus writting nonsense...hehe...
:: Thursday, October 18, 2007
Here I am sitting in front of my computer...trying to find ways of expressing myself indirectly so others can't really see my true feelings...but my head's filled with mixed emotions...all begging to be released but wanting to be hidden at the same time...
A few thoughts crossed my mind last night...partially also to do with the book which I'm currently reading and about to finish in a day or two...maybe even today...
Hurt, anger, loneliness, awkwardness, love...but some things are better left unsaid and kept hidden...for others I have to pretend that I'm fully ok and truly happy...but sometimes I wonder how much more I can take...maybe they can be revealed when the time is right...
Sometimes I wish that it had happened to me...I really miss it sometimes...especially when my friends talk about it...but I guess I should be happy with what I have...and believe me...I AM!!!
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